Ok I’ve been on a bit of a hiatus in the blog world lately. I am currently working on a piece on procrastination, (I’ll get to that later) but I’m fired up and I warned you about rants so here we go:
**Disclaimer: This rant is intended to bring awareness and create dialogue about issues like domestic violence, media and the world we live in. It is not meant to shame or place judgement. I am merely voicing my frustrations and seeking to inform.**
50 Shades of Gray as I’m sure anyone with a pulse or a WiFi connection knows came out in theatres this past week. And, as with any pop culture phenomena has generated a lot of buzz. It was one of the top selling books of all time and because people just can’t seem to get enough drivel it was produced into a movie. Now I’m not going to pretend that I didn’t bite when the book came out. I did. In this day and age when a woman can freely walk into a book store and openly buy a book that has been touted as extremely taboo, most would take the bait. I mean c’mon! It’s liberating! Our culture is so extreme about hiding anything that has to do with sex and sexuality and exploring that side of ourselves that any breakthrough in that should be celebrated! Plus it was based on the Twilight series so of course I was stoked! (Insert any comments on Twilight below)
I don’t think I ended up head high in a book store I think I borrowed it from a friend at the time but regardless I read the book. It was absolute crap. I remember reading it and thinking that although there were a couple of naughtily delicious scenes that caused me to think of my own naughtily delicious ideas, that there was something very icky about it. Anastasia (the lead) didn’t every really seem to be enjoying herself, and frankly if I’m going to read about something that is supposed to be pleasurable I would hope that the character should be experiencing pleasure too! Long story short I didn’t bother reading the second two books because the best part to me was when she decided that he could never give her what she wanted and walked away from him and I went about my life with little to no harm done.
This week however, I have had my eyes opened as to just how ick the book truly was (See link below) and after many a blog post and Facebook status on it I’ve lost it.
50 Shades of Gray is NOT romantic! It is NOT consensual! It is NOT BDSM! It is NOT OK!! It depicts an abusive relationship and being pushed onto the world as acceptable. The actors have been quoted questioning themselves for having played the roles and participating in this rubbish and yet almost daily I see that someone I consider a friend and a strong woman and role model headed out to pay money to participate in the promotion of violence against women!! I know what you’re going to say: “Kendra it’s fiction, it’s an escape from reality and the actor is super hot” or “I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about” “If you read all three books he ends up leaving that lifestyle and they fall in love so it’s not abuse” “I wanted to see how they were going to translate the book to film” “It’s a fantasy! Lots of women fantasise about rape scenarios” blah blah NO!! For many many women this is NOT fiction!! It’s reality. To the ‘fantasy’ comment I will say this: Yes it is a common trope in romance novels but the reality of the situation and the description of how Anastasia feels after being assaulted (sitting on the floor crying and feeling like an empty vessel to be filled at whim) not sexy. Even if I did manage to get through all 3 books to find that she changes him…HOLY Hell!! That’s worse!! I know lets send the message to young women that if you just put up with the shit and abuse that eventually he’ll come around and forget the years of his own sexual assault and love you like you deserve…how about no. I pray that no one I know is every part of a relationship that involves rape, stalking, and physical violence. Which is exactly what 50 Shades depicts.
Why is it that we are all still participating in this?? The actors are being paid an exorbitant amount of money and have the rewards of instant fame and yet at the expense of what? If they feel so icky about making a movie like this then why are they going to make two more?! Why are all of these educated, intelligent, caring individuals buying tickets to witness this? Would you tell your daughter that it’s ok for her partner to hit her? Would you tell your neice that as long as he’s got money he can follow her around and track her devices and show up out of the blue after she said she needs space? Would you want your sister going out with a man who abuses her body for his own pleasure under the guise something else? Would you want your best friend to feel like she couldn’t spend time with you or other males for fear of making her partner angry and what he might do? Then why are you going and contributing to a business that in full screen colour that depicts just that and suggests that it’s OK?!
I’m sure there are some people out there who may not see the harm in this and I know that I can’t stop anyone from engaging in this, but just maybe take the time to read up on this, get informed about rape culture and check in with yourself before you head out to the theatre to engage in guilty pleasures. Even if you don’t see it as all that bad and have healthy relationships, after seeing this movie or reading the books there are women and girls who want to be with a man just like Christian Grey….they may be someone you love
If you want to know exactly how many instances of ick (aka abuse) there are read this:
http://theramblingcurl.blogspot.co.uk/2014/02/fifty-abusive-moments-in-fifty-shades.html?m=1
If you want to see the difference between fantasy fiction and this read this:
http://pervocracy.blogspot.ca/2014/01/lets-read-fifty-shades-of-grey-chapter.html
If you want to know more about BDSM and the difference between that and 50 Shades read this:
http://www.theguardian.com/society/2012/aug/25/fifty-shades-submissive-sophie-morgan
If you want to watch a movie that is equally taboo and involves BDSM go watch “The Duke of Burgandy” it actually got rave reviews and seems to be less offensive to everyone.
