First week of the challenge complete! I have had a few people reach out and say that they’ve deleted some apps from their phone for a couple days, are using their phones less or have joined the cold turkey no social media challenge and are working on being more present! I’m SO excited to see how you all feel after and more motivated knowing I’m not doing this solo! Even the small stuff makes a big difference! I’ve already noticed such a huge shift in myself already!! Keep it up! Here’s the latest:
There is definitely a reason why they call it a challenge. The word evokes a lot of images or thoughts around what a challenge is. Some see it as something exciting and a goal to work towards, some see it as something to overcome while others see it as a struggle. For me, depending on the day this challenge I have set up for myself has been a mix of all of those and much more. I have managed to make it through a whole week of yoga. I didn’t get to go every day as I worked a double shift on Mother’s Day. I did however make up for it by going twice on Wednesday. This was the beginning of my challenge as something to work on or through. Earlier in the week I struggled with my love of procrastination. In order to complete the 40 Day Challenge at the studio participants have to go to 40 classes in 40 days. Ideally you go once a day and create a habit and then continue afterwards. Well as I said before I had already missed a day and so I needed to make up for it. I am a little bit particular about which classes and teachers I go to so I immediately limited myself to certain times. Plus it was sunny outside so I wanted to make sure I took advantage of that to see people too! Excuses are a procrastinators’ best friend. Wednesday rolled around, I still hadn’t made up for the class and I realised that none of my favourite teachers or classes were on until the evening and I had to work. So I sucked it up and went to a class in the style I like but with a teacher I have mixed feelings about (her yin stuff is amazing, but her hatha/vinyasa not so much).
I managed to do like any yogi would do and instead of take her instruction for when to breathe seriously, I tuned in and moved and breathed the way my body needed to. (Frankly I don’t know how anyone can actually breathe even standing there the way she instructs more active practice, we’d all be hyperventilating!) Once I turned inwards I was able to enjoy the class (especially when she started doing more Yin postures) and felt pretty good about making it through the first challenge of the challenge.
I went home and regrouped and decided that I should probably go to a second class that day or risk never actually making up for Sunday when I realised that the only class I could make it to in time for work was a Vinyasa class. I have veered away from this style in the past as the classes are always really full, and because they are so active the room gets sweaty and a number of other reasons that I will touch on in an upcoming post. Mostly on that particular day I wasn’t feeling overly energetic and since I’d already been to 75 mins of yoga and had to work later I was a little reluctant. BUT I agreed to this challenge and so I went. I loved it. Yes the class was sweaty but it was surprisingly empty and the teacher was wonderful and I felt so connected I wound up chatting to her briefly after the class. Winning! I really began to see this challenge as something to work with and through quite easily. Until Thursday morning.
In a recent (pre-challenge) comfort zone shift from the usual Thursday class with another teacher I wound up in a blissed out piece of yoga heaven. The teacher shifts the class to the opposite end of the room to face the windows and she combines a lot of props and gentle movement to the practice and it’s just a great way to start the day. She also seems to have a knack for tuning into the universe and choosing poses that reflect my intentions for the day. Thursday I decided that I wanted to open my heart. I think that part of connecting to myself and to others is the ability to be open to love. A lot of my work as a coach centers around people finding, wanting, hiding from and sometimes rejecting love and I relate and empathise with this. I recognised that my scrolling habit was my way of hiding my heart away and disconnecting so what better way to challenge myself than to open my heart?! Well, I got what I asked for! The teacher spent the entire 75 minutes using poses to expand the chest. I have noticed in past classes that some poses that I called back bends or heart openers were challenging for me; even some that had previously been quite easy (like camel and wheel/bridge even triangle) and I had always attributed this to back issues or age and poor posture etc. so as I struggled a bit through a couple of the more dynamic postures I wasn’t overly surprised and I felt happy knowing that my intention was coming to fruition when BAM! Near the end of the class she had us lay with our chests over a bolster and relax back over it and breathe. First from the belly, then from the low ribs and finally up into the chest. Suddenly I’m laying there breathing into my chest and I am struck with overwhelming feelings of sadness and fear. That kind you get when you cry so hard it’s hard to breathe kinda feeling. I totally panicked. I had to close my eyes and remind myself I was OK for a second but I kept breathing into my chest. Eventually she asked us to roll onto our sides into a fetal position and that’s when the tears came and a bit more panic set in. I managed to curb this while we finished our twists and then as I lay in Savasana the tears started to flow and I quietly cried for the entire thing.
Holy vulnerability batman! When the class ended and I came out of Savasana I realised I was in a room full of people and I was crying for no apparent (not even to myself) reason. A woman came up to me and asked if I was alright. I had a strong urge to crawl into a hole and hide forever and at the same time I was so happy that I was able to have feelings, not judge them or figure them out or even name them in that moment and allow others to see me in that state and in that space. It really is a wonderful feeling to be seen and acknowledged when you’re vulnerable. The woman didn’t press further, she simply saw me and connected in briefly. Beautiful.
I cried all the way home and then spent the afternoon with a friend in the sunshine washing my filthy car that I’d taken for granted for too long. I still don’t know what caused the tears and that’s OK. I don’t need to know what emotions were stuck there in my chest preventing me from opening my heart. I highly doubt it was just one incident anyway. What I do know is that my camel pose yesterday was easier and I feel a little lighter. I asked for this challenge to be a chance to be open, to connect and to be vulnerable so that others can be vulnerable with me and so far I think I have risen to the occasion and I cannot WAIT to see what’s next!
Ok this is getting long but here’s my challenge to you: Think of places in your life where you disengage, or disconnect. Maybe it’s something you want to say to someone, maybe it’s something you have always wanted to do that you make excuses not to, maybe it’s something so unbelievably simple that you don’t even realise you’re doing it. I mean daily things like eating or breathing. Do you sit down to a meal and eat you food or do you stand in the kitchen or sit in front of the TV or worse, drive and eat? How often do you pay attention to your breath? My challenge to you is to think of one thing you do automatically and bring some mindfulness to it. If you constantly reach for your phone, notice. If you are doing something else while eating, notice. Take 5 minutes every day and count your breaths. Chew slower, count them. Anything you want really, just slow down and bring awareness to it. It may just open up a whole new world for you!
Much Love,
Kendra
